Mar. 6, 2020

LIFE CHANGES, YOU CHANGE

LIFE CHANGES, YOU CHANGE

Most of my life I have been a loner.  I was married to my first love for 43 years before his sudden passing in October of 2003.  During those 43 years we moved a total of 17 times, none were military moves.  We moved to where the work could be found and we were raising three small children.  We never really socialized or had friends.  As time went by, I was busy with the children or later working at different jobs and I was not one to make friends easily or to go out with “girlfriends” to lunch, clubs or parties. When we got into the property management field, we could not make friends with the residents because if they wanted a favor that we couldn’t do for everyone, then we could not do it for them.

I never frequented the bar scene and going out to dinner was our social event.  After I became a widow, I took ballroom dance classes for 3 years and attended many dances for seniors.  I saw those folks at the dances but nothing beyond and no new friends.  I found I liked my peace and quiet and my own terms on social events.

After I met The Captain five years after becoming a widow, there was still no outings or events.  The exception was joining the Optimist Club of Coronado and attending the weekly meetings. I don’t go to malls to shop or go out to eat by myself.  We are a couple and that is the way we like it.

In early May of 2019, The Captain fell and broke his hip, had hip replacement surgery and stayed in a skilled nursing facility for the entire month of May 2019.  Everything we’re doing stops because it’s all about him now. I took care of him 24/7 and in fact, I still do.  That included bathroom trips and giving him a shower.

Yes, he has children and stepchildren but they were all fine with me taking the full impact of his care.  Giving me pep talks was not what I was looking for.  They all know if I was not here for him, they would have to share the task among themselves and I doubt they could handle that.

We had a couple of visits from a visiting nurse but she was so inept we had to cancel her visits.  I waited and waited for someone to step up and give me a few hours a week break but it never happened.

Here we are 10 months later, and a family member tells me to let them know when they can come relieve me for a few hours so I can run errands, go to the mall or just have some alone time but, I need to coordinate with their work schedule to make sure they can make it happen.  Where were you last June, July and August when I desperately needed a break.  It’s too late now!  I can run short errands and I’m still a loner without friends in the area.  My time is spent with him because that is what I like. 

You do not know what it is like to love someone so much that you have committed your life to them 150%.  Our love is truly special and not many people have what we do.

When life changes, you change along with it.  As you can see by this recent picture, we are still out there doing our best everyday.